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‘The unlovable woman’ is actually very lovable

“Sybil” feels unworthy, unintelligent, burdensome, worthless. She has never been enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not successful enough. Never enough. She doesn’t see much point to anything because she is a failure at everything.

“You’ve never had someone to spoil you,” said a friend. “You need someone to treat you right.”

Sybil is “an unlovable woman.” Somewhere along the line she has been given to understand that she clings too much, has to control everything, is a crazy person, demands too much, over-reacts – just to name a few from the list at the goodmanproject.com website. No one on the planet could live up to her expectations, she’s been told. And the man in her life isn’t willing to do what he needs to do to be connected to her. She’s expected to “just make do.”

The unloved woman is made to feel anything but normal. She holds herself back for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that she doesn’t want to look foolish to other people. She hides her true self in silence.

At the goodmanproject.com website there is an article that explains about “Loving an Unlovable Woman.”

“Despite the fact many men don’t want to do the work it takes to be with them, men are often wildly attracted to smart, strong, intelligent, passionate, authentic women. Men see the positive energy, fire and authenticity and want to be a part of it.”

Her man may actually criticize her for having the very qualities that attracted him to her in the first place. Additionally, “There is a different type of man. One who believes that a woman like this is worth investing time and money into. That having a woman like this in his life makes him a better man …”

Linda and Charlie Bloom write a column at psychologytoday.com, Stronger at the Broken Places.Their column titled “The Myth of Being Unlovable” explains why women feel unloved and compares their situation to that of a small child who has never felt loved enough.

“If he was abused or neglected, he could not afford to see that it was his parent that was deficient. It is much too frightening for a child to see the person (who is in charge of his well being) is not up to the job,” write the Blooms. So the child takes the blame upon himself because he’s stupid or she is the ugliest girl who ever was born.

“This form of thinking can become a mind habit that we take into adulthood,” advise the Blooms. In “The Myth of Being Unlovable Part 2,” the couple offers “10 steps to bust the myth”:

1.Love yourself as you are. Your personal best is enough.

2.Don’t measure yourself by what you own, but by who you are.

3.Give yourself the things you need to be able to thrive.

4.Visualize the success you are looking for and strive to make it reality.

5.Go with ‘what is’ instead of ‘what isn’t.’

6.Set goals and get them done, one at a time, sure and steady.

7.Be a positive thinker: “I am lovable.”

8.Recognize the parts of you that you think aren’t enough, and

9.Look at the best of you to find your truth: You are lovable.

10.“Meditation opens our hearts and minds,” they write.

You. Are. Lovable.

Family Recovery Center doesn’t help only families with addiction issues. FRC can help families find ways to navigate through these challenging times. For more information about how FRC can assist you with the anxiety and stress of Covid-19, contact the agency at 964 N. Market St., Lisbon; phone, 330-424-1468; or e-mail, info@familyrecovery.org. Visit the web site at www.familyrecovery.org. Family Recovery Center is funded, in part, by United Way of Northern Columbiana County.

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